People often ask what happens in my head when I tie. There is no single answer, because I tie people in very different ways.
A session may begin as an art project, an exploration of sensation, a particular dynamic between us, objectification, or someone’s first encounter with shibari. We can start with a precise idea and find ourselves inside a completely different story twenty minutes later. My thoughts and feelings change with every person and every session.
One thing does not change: the person comes first. Always. Rope, lines, shadows, empty space, tension, movement and breath come afterwards. I listen to and observe the person in front of me—not only their words, but how they breathe, move, tense, receive the next rope and inhabit the moment. Do we continue, change direction, or simply stay here for a few seconds?
In the background, a quiet engineer keeps calculating: body, rope, tension, nerves, joints, balance, load, safety and the next two movements. With experience I barely hear that voice, but it must remain present.
Trust is not permission to do anything. It is responsibility, agreements, boundaries and ethics. I am not controlling someone’s experience; I have been trusted to accompany them only as far as they want and are ready to go. Even when I see a perfect line or receive an extraordinary reaction, the person remains more important.
If we are making photographs, I begin to see geometry, light, shadow and the way rope changes the body while the body changes the rope. If this is someone’s first encounter with shibari, I do not need to demonstrate complexity. I want them to hear the rope—and themselves inside it. It is a conversation, very often without words.
The person I tie is not the only one who changes during a session. I change too. A plan can disappear because the person in front of me influences me no less than I influence them. The most interesting sessions are those in which technique, intuition, safety, curiosity, responsibility, freedom, rope and silence begin to move together—and the dance leads us on its own.